If You’re a Control Freak, Take Control of Your Stress First

At certain times in our lives, many of us experience losing control of the incidents that surround our lives. It could be an illness that attacks the body, a sudden death in the family, an adult child moving away to start their own life. In all these incidents we have to let go. We are unable to control what it is. Not letting go, can easily lead to extreme stress.A feeling of loss of control is a main contributor to stress.

We may yearn for that control. This longingness for control, could easily lead us to stop looking inside ourselves and thus hampering our self-care. We begin to look outward to the people that surround us and try to control them instead of taking care of ourselves. It becomes a vicious cycle. My recommendation is to take control of your own stress first and avoid being perceived as a control freak.

On the other hand, some stress is good. A little stress can help to motivate us. For example, procrastinators usually procrastinate until the deadline. Yet the tension that the deadline provides can be a great motivator. Some people work very well on a last minute deadline.

The Need for Control Can Cause Extreme Stress

What I address here is the desire to control the uncontrollable.

Stress is triggered by events large and small. If we can't control one thing, we turn our attention toward control of another thing or person. Gaining control of our stress means changing our behavior. Easier said than done, right?!?

Rather than responding to external sources and resources, practice some life strategies to help take control back to yourself. Doing that is much healthier than reacting to the external sources that may have little to do with our own self.

Recommended by healthcare practitioners, two strategies can be used to wrest control back from the outside and bring it back to our personal center as you find more. equilibrium in your life.

Strategies to Lessen Control-Freakishness

When extreme stress is triggered, a little yoga and meditation can help. Mayo Clinic (2023) recommends meditation for relieving anxiety, tension, and worry.

For example, you are sick and want to control your body. You can take some steps to help such as following doctor's orders, yet, trying to control your illness puts extra stresses on your system and takes your anxieties and worries into a vicious cycle.

Instead, break the cycle and meditate. Meditation can give you a sense of inner peace, calm and feelings of equilibrium. Medical professionals recommend fifteen minutes of meditation a day. Finding these fifteen minutes of calm within the roiling waters of life can benefit your emotional well-being and your overall health. If you do not have 15 minutes at a time, do it 5 minutes 3 times a day.

Removing extreme stress from our lives helps us to release our need for control when we feel our lives are out of control.

My Personal Experience with Control

I was born a control freak. I work daily on this tendency to control. Here is one example.

I remember my first time on a very long plane ride. I used to be a very anxious flyer. My thinking was that if I continue to feel stressed and anxious, the plane would stay in the sky. These crazy thoughts made me feel in control of the plane. It was anything but. All it did was make me even more stressed and anxious. The pilots fly the plane. They are highly trained, experienced, and excellent at their jobs.

I finally overcame my fear. I now make a plan for how I behave on the flight. I do a little seated yoga, give myself some self-talk about letting go, and when the flight gets particularly bumpy, I meditate. A good mantra for this meditation is: "Let the pilots do their job."

Now I am able to redirect my time and energy toward things other than the stress and anxiety. In other words, I no longer burn up my own energy keeping the plane in the sky. I now redirect that energy toward something positive such as totally enjoying my destination.

Allowing others to be their own pilot will help you to reduce your own stress.

How to Use Yoga and Meditation to Control your Stress

Medical providers recommend at least fifteen minutes of meditation every day. Yoga is a meditation. The asana postures are a moving meditations. Whether you do 15 minutes of seated meditation or moving meditation, you will fill this bill to find inner equilibrium. Performing postures for both exercise and inner equilibrium may help you to find the stability you are craving. Control your stress and create some inner peace amidst the turmoil stress.

If you are interested in a 15-minute meditation or yoga class for you, your loved-ones or your workmates, please contact me at proftenzer@gmail.com.

Readings & Resources

Mayo Clinic (2023). Meditation: A simple fast way to reduce stress.

Sandler, I. N., & Lakey, B. (1982). Locus of control as a stress moderator: The role of control perceptions and social support. American journal of community psychology, 10(1), 65-80.